On television, she sees a story about two gay women adopting a child together and becomes incensed. It’s bad enough that those women are lost but now they will lead innocent children to hell. With all her heart she believes this.
Before you judge her, I want you to know that she’s not a bad person. She’s actually a nice woman who bakes cookies for the school bake sale and volunteers at the local food bank. It’s just that she’s been taught that God detests homosexuality and gays are sinners.
She knows that she will go to heaven, but they – the gays – will go to hell if they do not repent.
That sense of distance, of difference, allows her to hate but she doesn’t even recognize what she feels as hatred. In her mind it is righteous indignation that she feels. She tells herself that her motivation is love. She desires to see a sinner saved. In reality, a separation has taken place in her heart and mind; gays are no longer kindred. An us vs. them mentality has crept in. The love she professes to feel isn’t really love at all, its hatred wearing a mask.
You might even find the same woman shouting, pumping an angry fist, or holding an ugly sign in a crowd of like-minded citizens. If you asked her she would tell you that she believes in love and kindness. That she is taking a moral stance. That she loves the sinner but hates the sin.
***************
Across town, another woman angrily watches TV as election results roll in. She is passionately liberal, believes in kindness, hates discrimination and intolerance. As election tallies come in she realizes her side isn’t going to win. She becomes incensed. Those people are back in office; the ignorant, conservative, Christian haters and discriminators. She can’t believe it.
On her way to volunteer at a homeless shelter she sees conservative political signs and Jesus stickers on cars and righteous anger wells up inside of her. She flips her middle finger and sneers. She doesn’t see herself as intolerant or hateful, not at all. That’s the territory of fundamentalist Christians and conservatives. She’s not like them.
In her mind there is a sharp divide between those she identifies as thinkers, those of her ilk, and those she identifies as the ignorant religious and selfish conservative. She might even own that she hates them but she feels her hatred to be justified. After all, those people are so hateful, so intolerant. In her mind, they are barely human.
*************
I’m not pointing fingers. I’m using stereotypes to illustrate a point. Hatred is so easy when we forget about our shared humanity. When we see ourselves as belonging to a group called “us” set apart from a group called “them”.
Suddenly we’re hating and we don’t even know it.
Mother Theresa said, “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
I want to walk in the way of love and kindness. I want to do better, be better. But sometimes I forget how to love, just like you. Remembering starts with recognizing our shared humanity. That person you or I have a problem with – the person on welfare, the wealthy, the immigrant, the white man, the liberal, the conservative, the atheist or Christian… they’re our kin.
We need to love with intention.
Unequivocal Kate 