Football, Fairytales and Everlasting Love

Some people get addicted to the hormonal high that comes with new attraction; the nervousness and excitement.  I asked someone recently what it was like moving from one relationship to the next and he replied that it was exciting.  I nodded and bit my lip.  Exciting.  Well, that wasn’t going to last.  And sure enough, in no time at all he had added someone newer on top of the someone new.  He had lots of justifications for it but I truly believe it was boredom more than anything and a desire for sex without strings.  And it appears to me that he’s still “hunting”.

He’s not the only one.  I see people doing it a lot.  Women do it as frequently as men.  They get addicted to the fairytale feeling that comes before he burps and farts and collapses on the couch to watch football for several hours during which he only yells and grunts.

The excitement and illusion of fairytale perfection aren’t permanent.  As grown men and women one would think we’d get that but so many of us do not, so we serially jump into new relationships trying to capture the first blush of romance over and over again all the while bemoaning the lack of worthy men and women.  The loneliness of not having found “the one”.

I’m pragmatic by nature.  I always have been.  I never thought of myself as a princess and I never dreamed of a Prince Charming.  Maybe it was the example of my parents.  They had a true love.  It was gritty and real and romantic and committed.  When my mom became ill, my dad cared for her.  People asked him why he didn’t put her in a home and he would always respond with a blank look, as if he suddenly didn’t understand English.  He loved her.

But most people don’t seem to understand the nature of lasting love.  That it sticks through boredom and drama.  That it lasts during sickness and health, times of prosperity and want.  Ah, I seem to be reciting traditional wedding vows.  I didn’t do so intentionally.  I’m discovering what I want to say as I say it.

The thing is, if you want lasting love you have to be willing to let go of the flutter of excitement and the fairytale.  You can build passion and it’s better than excitement any day of the week, in my opinion.  You can build fantastic sex.  It usually gets better over time, not boring, not worse.  Better.  You learn to connect and trust and that’s a very deep and cool thing.  So much better than simple lust.

If you don’t want a relationship, be up front about it.  There are plenty of men and women that want friends with benefits and random sexual encounters.  Stick with those folks, don’t mess with the people who are looking for a true and lasting connection.

And remember that women will almost always equate touch with love.  In the beginning they may say they’re okay with sex – no strings attached – but they’re thinking you’ll change.  That you will come to want only them.  We’re funny that way, we women.  We believe we can change men with sex.  wry smile  The truth is – and we all know it – it just doesn’t happen often enough to mention.

What makes a lasting relationship?  Commitment.  That’s it folks.  That’s the foundation.  You have to want it and you stick with it.  You don’t go looking for a distraction.  You look at the person you love, take a deep breath, and remember all the things you loved in the beginning.  You remind yourself of why you said forever.

Imagine how different our lives would be if we did that.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to have an amazing couple of months with someone.  I don’t want to experience the pain of an ended relationship.  I want the kind of love that sticks through the hard stuff and grows.

That’s it.  Remember when I “talk” I’m not preaching.  I’m speaking to myself as much as I’m speaking to you.


9 responses to this post.

  1. It appears that the comment feature isn’t working properly on this particular post, which is disappointing to me since this is probably the post that I am most proud of and most wanted to talk about. Thank you to those who let me know about the comment problem and to those who commented on facebook and Google+. I hope to get the comment feature back up for subsequent blogs. Thank you, as always, for reading!


  2. Posted by Myke Todd on January 9, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    I am all about making new friends. From what I remember, the best, most lasting relationships come from solid friendships… I enjoyed reading this, Kate.


  3. This is so wonderfully stated. Yes, I want everlasting love. I no longer think of classic fairy tales. I have a new fairy tail, it involves farts, laughter, anger, frustration, determination, spirit and LOVE along with many other things.


  4. Posted by Bill Hensel on January 11, 2014 at 11:33 am

    Very well thought out and expressed in a straight forward manner. Even I could understand it. I find myself agreeing with what you have crafted .


    • Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. My goal is communication so I’m glad to hear that it was understandable. I’d truly be disappointed if it wasn’t. :)


  5. This is your best post Kate. Well written and full of wisdom.


    • Thank you, Eric. That means a lot to me, coming from you. I also feel that it’s probably my most meaningful post. It came directly from my heart, unedited. I’ve struggled with relationship – It was the primary theme of 2013 in my life – and come to the conclusions I made in this post. My life is better for it.


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